I’ll be honest, this has been a tough one for me to approach. I’ve avoided it, writing on other topics instead, for several days now. I’ve stared at the blank page, started the draft, then given up, more than once.
But it’s time.
I don’t know why it’s hard because – just like everything else I’ve been writing about this month – it’s a deep, age old, nearly universal desire in a woman’s soul, the desire for children. Sure, some women say they don’t want kids, and that may be true. From what I’ve seen, though, most do. Even many who say they don’t.
Actually, it’s really fascinating, the depth and the rawness of this longing, how central it can be to a woman’s value and identity. I think of Rachel, Jacob’s wife in the Bible:
“Give me children, or else I die!” (Genesis 30:1)
In the past 16 months since our miscarriage, I’ve spent time in some online support forums and gotten to know some ladies who are struggling with miscarriage and/or infertility. Whichever situation they’re dealing with (or both), the commonality is this: they long for children, and that longing remains unmet. The stories, confessions, and frustrated vents I hear from these ladies sometimes reflects that of Rachel: a desperate longing so deep that it hurts.
And I can’t say why some get their desire fulfilled quickly and others have to wait years… just like I can’t say why some ladies meet their soulmate and get married at 22 while others are kept waiting until 30 or 40 or maybe never. We can say it’s not fair, but the truth is, God doesn’t run things fair. He does – and allows – what is His perfect will.
(Side note: I don’t believe miscarriage is ever God’s will, though people will tell you it is when they’re trying to come up with something comforting to say. Shoot me a message if you want to talk about that. I also have an upcoming post in my Drafts folder called ‘How to Help a Friend Through Miscarriage,’ so keep an eye out for that if you’re interested.)
The bottom line: the desire for children is natural, innate, and even a passion in a woman. It was one of the first and primary roles given to Woman in the beginning:
“To the woman He said, ‘…you shall bring forth children.’
The man called his wife’s name Eve, because she was the mother of all living.”
God has placed this into our very being as womankind. It’s no surprise, then, that most of us find that longing awakened sooner or later. And whether that longing is filled by birth or by adoption, after miscarriage, through fertility treatment, in the timing we want or too soon or not soon enough… “Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from Him” (Psalm 127:3).