For today’s post, I want to introduce you to my friend Tessa. Tess is an engineer, a great dancer, and recently started her dream business at Windsor Events… and she knows the challenges of taking your relationship long-distance for a season. Her advice is wise!
This is the second post in the Long Distance Love series.
We’ve all been there.
It’s 3 o’clock.
You’re sitting in the office, and that turkey sandwich you had for lunch has long since worn off. Your tummy is grumblier than Winnie the Pooh without his honeypot. Then you see it…the vending machine. And inside that giant metal box of empty calories is the Pop Tart.
Normally you would never go for that Pop Tart. It’s just not good for you. It’s full of sugar and artificial flavors, it has no substantial energy source, and let’s face it – they don’t even taste good!
So why? Why do you want that Pop Tart so bad?
The answer is simple, and it has nothing to do with the Pop Tart and everything to do with your circumstances. You are hungry, bored, and you’ve forgotten about the delicious dinner you have planned for later. Your circumstances have clouded your view and changed your desires.
I spent two summers doing “long distance” with my now husband. While we powered through the second summer, I am less than proud of the first one.
Someone I worked with used to called it sailor vision. It was the idea that when a person is separated from someone they love for a long period of time, they start to become attracted to anyone they feel close to. We become so lonely and so desperate for that meaningful connection, that people we do not belong with start to look pretty attractive. We begin to be drawn to people that are at best a poor match for us and at worst a toxic addition to our lives.
During my first summer spent in “long distance,” I allowed sailor vision to get the better of me. I cannot begin to describe the pain that it caused for so many people, myself and my husband included. While I have been incredibly blessed to have reconciled with my now husband through God’s unending grace, I have also lost multiple friendships as a result. People I once called good friends, I now refer to as someone I used to know. All this said with a half-smile and a sick stomach. I have witnessed it in many other relationships also, and the results are always painful.
So how do you keep yourself from getting sailor vision?
- Awareness – Just be mindful of the potential danger. Be careful. Practice that Christian cliché and guard your heart!
- Remember – Remember who you love and why you love them. Remind yourself of these things. Remember that the separation is only temporary.
- Jesus – We need closeness! We need that meaningful connection. Our loneliness is real, but we serve a God who loves us and who is ready to be our comforter. Turn to God for closeness and connection.
All this said, that Pop Tart might not be as bad as we first thought, but it’s just not right for you. Because you have dinner plans.