A couple weeks ago — just a few days after our miscarriage happened — Brett came in from working, opened his computer, and said he had a song playing in his head that he wanted to listen to. He found it saved on his hard drive, a song from an obscure singer from Canada named Dan Powers. I’d never heard of him or the song, “Love Will Get Us Through,” but as we listened to it, the words of the chorus wrapped around my heart.
It’s not enough to love you
Oh I wanna hold you
Yes. Yes, those were the words my heart wanted to say to my unborn baby, my baby whom I love but never got a chance to hold. It’s not enough.
~ ~ ~
These days — nearly a month past the loss — I’m doing much better. Most of the time I feel pretty much like myself. But going back to normal is kinda scary, and at times I almost feel guilty for feeling better. I don’t want to just move on and forget about the baby. I don’t want other people to think that’s the case.
But I know the Scripture, “Can a mother forget her child?” (Isaiah 49:15, paraphrased) is a rhetorical question. I won’t forget. But I also don’t have to dwell in continual sadness for the sake of remembering. I am free to laugh with my friends and participate in life and embrace the joy of the Lord…while accepting the pangs of grief that arise at unexpected moments…and knowing that I will never lose the love I have for my unborn little one. It’s okay to move forward. God’s Word instructs me to:
“We do not want you to…grieve as others do who have no hope.” (1 Thessalonians 4:13)
“Forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on…” (Philippians 3:13-14)
“Behold, I will do something new, now it will spring forth; will you not be aware of it?” (Isaiah 43:19)
“Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy.” (Psalm 126:5)