Tomorrow is February 18th.

The due date.

Since the due date that has already come and gone once since our miscarriage, this time it’s not just her due date, but her first birthday.

One year. Our baby would have been one year old this weekend. It’s kinda surreal.

Sometimes I try to imagine what life would be like right now, with a little one toddling around our home. It’s a happy picture. I know our home would be full of more laughs, more tears, more noise, more slobber…and so much joy.

And I wonder, what would it be like? What would be different about our everyday life, our schedule, our marriage, our friendships? Who would we be with a one-year-old in the mix?

Who would we be without having experienced loss?

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photo credit: Barber Photography

We’re changed, because loss changes people. Our past 20 months would have been worlds different if our baby had lived, and because of that, we ourselves would be different.

Because in addition to being one year since our first baby’s due date, it has also been {just over} one year since we began the journey to have a second baby. Having PCOS makes this much more of a challenge for us.

And while the loss and this past year have been – at various times – difficult, heartbreaking, infuriating, and lonely, I believe with all my heart that our God is using these times to shape Brett and me into His image, into people with childlike faith who more closely resemble Himself.

When I grieve, when I shatter, when I rejoice… if I draw near to Him, He is always faithful to satisfy.

So, it’s been one challenging, full, blessed year, and even on the hardest days, I wouldn’t trade journeys for the blessings and opportunities the Lord has given us and the ways He is growing us. To Him be the glory, in our joys and sorrows.

 

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If you’ve lost a little one, please feel free to use this graphic in your own social media. {with credit back to this post, if you don’t mind!} I love increasing awareness for the 1 in 4 women who suffer miscarriage. Sharing our babies’ birthdays is a good way to do that. 

 

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